I knew from very early on that I didnt truly love her but I didnt really let myself believe that until things just got worse and worse throughout the years. She says she is ok with that but you never know with teenagers. Her response was that she wouldnt because he would see us hanging out together and we would get back at him that way. I also wish that I wake up and the hurt will be gone and Ill somehow find a way to not care and forget them. All you need to do is sign up with your email and boom: credit for your preorder on a new Samsung device. But family relationships are hard to forge and take a lot of work. She is a family lawyer on top of that!! And how he runs to her pic . It's a big ask, especially when he's not doing anything wrong. Anyone who then supports the actions of that person is condoning abuse. You have to remember that they were his family too for 13 years. Which is totally fine. But professionals and legal law disagrees. We share joint custody of our 2 kids. My dad took her side and laid into me about it (right when it happened, before I said anything to him). I have a Sister whos befriended my Xs new wife on FB it hurts Me so bad ! I can see them inviting him for like dinner or an outing unrelated to you,but not for family affairs such as holidays or any other occasion where you are attending simply out of respect & consideration for you. In the same way you want your family to defend you, your ex wants his or her family to do the same. I got a divorce. Most of my family respected my feelings, except for one cousin. In todays age people throw around abuse and narcissist like it going out of style. Your hubby is still up close and personal with the family. Its what she wants. The trouble is, is that these exes are so manipulative. My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. Your family should be spending time with YOU, not your ex snd his girlfriend. I never did anything batshit apart to leave a man who I found out since day one had been manipulating my good nature. The ex does not give them a single dime otherwise and has no problem telling them he gives me good money in child support with no care to their feelings or needs (he bought himself a new $40,000 car) 4 months ago, he told my daughter that she is no longer his daughter and he never wants to see her for as long as he lives. Please do what is best for your NEW family. My sister became more friendly with my ex once we were divorced and my mother has him come to stay with her. However when I come home for holidays no exs are allowed because my family respects my wishes and I bring my husband and dog with me. There is a point in time when your family needs to be supportive of you and your needs and recognize that having your ex at every function is hurtful. I planned on going to my sisters house for Thanksgiving dinner as I had always done before. My therapist said I hurt because my family will never be what I wish it was. I completely understand how you feel. A lot of what I am reading in these posts sounds like narcissistic behavior on the part of abusers and families. I smoke in the garage . Im in a happy relationship now but seriously, bits of a feather flock together. I understand love and loyalty doesnt really exist within family. And there is no psuedo high ground. Her husband is still talking to my ex against my wishes. He needs to get his own life and move on and get off your turf ! My ex lives 7 hours from him too. Therefore my sisters stepped up their disrespectful game against me, and invited my ex-husband who physically/verbally abused me. We dont have kids, have never been married and only been together for 6 months. Tellng them about his child support payments and how unfair it was that he paid child support because the teen kids chose to live with him. He has been featured media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire, Grazia & Elle. I believe extended families develop these close relationships with ex spouses just to inflict hurt and pain. It is the worse feeling. I get on fine with the kids. And where did you learn to be treated like that, where did you learn you didnt have any needs From your family? I hope youre ok You are very strong and please stay strong for your kids . Do I really have to explain that to you???!!! Thats almost what it sounds like some of you have been saying. It was due to the fact that most did not agree with her wanting to destroy our family for the sake of finding herself and date other men. I am ready to let go of my anger about this. I ran my own business didnt change like he said was just so sad and I still amI blocked all my family who are friends with himhe gave me a copy of a divorce agreement before he moved out of our home, married 3 days after the divorce and I am now a subject of His sermons.. he told people in his congregation that I had him served at work, not telling people he gave me papers first he is quote a pastor now I use that term lightly.. In 2013, Ieft my relationship of eight years. So my mom has a really really nice house and shes letting them live there with her 4 kids because they were homeless. If the man is a good man, naturally family is going to surround him. First of all your sister is being unreasonable! If she was still heavily involved in his life I would end up distancing myself from her. You cant go forward with your life with him in it. Does divorce warrant total detachment from ex family???? My ex lives across the country with his new wife and our two adult daughters, who are going to college there. Just try to be the best girlfriend you could possibly be. I am glad I found this web site and found I am not the only one with a very unusual family( blood is NOT thicker than water) I am now working on my NEW NORMAL. Whenever the ex is in town visiting, I disappear and never go over. What I wanted to do was scream at both of them to stop acting like children. Have you also noticed there is no middle ground for those who disagree with your comments? One of my brothers has continued to be in relationship with him. You have big decisions to make, good luck x. Its very painful and I dont understand. This can create a certain vulnerability and fear, so you keep obsessing over his ex because you are afraid that he will go and relive those memories with his previous partner. His personality seems to be more like Aspergers. The brother and ex are strangely close. While youre not exactly unreasonable to have feelings like this, it is unreasonable that because youve divorced someone that youre expecting your family to not communicate with them anymore. And this is HER family, not his. Thats the day we all were finally able to really live and breathe. com) that he can help me silence my uncle so i can have my peace in the house , without wasting any time i contacted dr peter and He helped me silence my uncle with his powerful death spell magic that he cast on my wicked uncle . You are the only one who I see risking to traumatize your children. Just how much co-dependency and unhealthiness might be present in your boyfriend's relationship with his ex-wife cannot be ascertained, especially given only the information you provide. A few days before Thanksgiving, I text my sister to ask her if he would be there. I am recently reunited with my high school sweetheart from 30 years ago and he says that things are headed toward marriage for us. There is a lot of narcissism and enabling in my family over multiple generations. I know that he badmouthed me when I asked for the divorce and never took any responsibility in his role, i.e. christmas, divorce, his ex, insecure. my family invited him to all family events and I was allowed but I had moved on and met someone and my new guy wasnt allowed at any family events. You cant make choices for your family or your ex. Im going through the same thing and its extremely painful. I quit the team. What hurts most is theyve held me as Ive cried through all of this. I am long since remarried with kids with current spouse, but they and I have missed out on so much over the years because of what happened. My family said they didnt want to get involved but they felt sorry for my ex and fed him info about me that put me and others in danger, they had him over for coffee, took him out be me I was left to fend for myself even when he threatened me and changed the locks and emptied the bank accounts. Your words above help.I need to resign that it will never get easier.but I too will never win a golf game with Tiger Woods and I will never win the manipulation game with my ex.so I dont play his game or anyone who wants to try to pretend that they are just trying to include everyone. I got a divorce and it was very very ugly. OMG! My mom lived with us, a did my niece. I feel you. Idk but deep down I know there something going on. Reserve the next gen Samsung deviceAll you need to do is sign up with your email and boom: credit for your preorder on a new Samsung device. This is real. My ex-husband finally remarried, but he calls my daughter (after several years or so) & he upsets her, but I do not communicate with him at all. ", Similar to communication style, you can learn a lot based on how and when the two of them spend time together. I am happy. My sister was married for 30 years to my now ex bro-in-law. Do I just give in and be miserable or choose to be happy and not go to family functions? They wont see it that way until you can communicate that. Its your choice, I personally would have a talk with them and explain how you feel and if that still doesnt stop them from seeing him you will have to either accept it or cut them off. Now, you might think that some paperwork changes that. My husband has a brother who sides with the ex-wife. My husband was a diagnosed narcissistic sociopath and I now suffer from CPTSD as a result of the abuse during the marriage and from the aftermath of the divorce. Its as simple as one plus one equals two. I could care less about my abusive ex (we had no kids together, thank God). Usually a good relationship with the family is a reason to stay so if she got out anyway then she doesn't want to go back. In such cases there is no need to force others to divorce their associations if their relationships were good. I am going through the same thing. My ex left me, and told my family she was leaving. There is no more middle ground, i have to choose between fake family love, continual ignoring of real grand child on one side versus avoiding family get togethers at the expense of my teenage child who has no clue about this. I never want to see my sister again, thats not family, (same situation, also a tid bit different.) My Neice just got married. How this made you feel? His ex told me that is my family. I was absolutely heartbroken and also full of anger. But hours later the police were called. I presumed my husband had my best interests at heart because he loved me but he didnt. Shame on you. Suck it up and go with the flow it cant be that bad. Very similar. Undoubtedly, every girl likes to view their boyfriend's family as their future-in-law, or even better, an extra family. Or that a guy still has one foot in the old relationship and one foot in the new relationship?. Or really like her and want to spend time with her or perhaps they feel they have to keep her sweet? I dont get it, he doesnt get it. The exact opposite happened with my family. My heart is broken and I cry a lot. :/, Did you even read the column? I would never again allow them to meet anyone Im involved with. I dont think its unreasonable to want to cut ties with him at all ,Im having the dasa problem with my ex and his new girlfriend ,our daughter is 23 we dont have to see each other but he still goes out with my brother and brothers in law every Friday night ,plus annual holidays what hurts me more than anything is the betrayal from my sisters when they go out ewit them and l hardly get asked to go anywhere ,it really cuts me up inside . When it was time to divorce, which was oh so necessary, one of my aunts and one of my sisters listened to him bad mouth me. I think this is nuts. One woman asked me: Im right now in a relationship with a man. So I found it quite strange she bringing up a topic that we havent discussed. So, while she was destroying me financially, she was sinking her hooks into my ex and now that hes got this money, shes circling my ex like a buzzard extorting his money and her adult kids are in on it too. I cannot find a way to tell her but know I have to soon. Enter your email below and receive my free report with the 5 texting mistakes noW! (Which doesnt change the fact thatits super uncomfortable for you.). If it was mutual, your fault, his fault. Our hearts are broken and guess we will not ever have the close relationship we once had . She is also using my 14 month old daughter as a pawn to get the best of me and Im looking for answers on what to do. Im sorry to hear you are being shut out. When you marry someone you marry their family too, and if you cant even allow him to be around your family??!! They think its OK to have my ex in their lives because its work related but I know what my ex is like and he said that Im jealous of him being a father figure to my neice. Itsa loaded topic that I will try to piece apart here. Never told my husband, he found out from her tax preparer 2 weeks before the move. You have a very different relationship to religion than i do and i think you should re read your comments and see just how unchristian they really are. Its hard. My sister is a predator. Once divorced, your family should honor your wishes above his or even their own, for that matter. In fact, they supported and continue to support him. He knows exactly how to cripple you. Now its out of your control. hes still family . "@type": "Answer", There is no reason to have the EX around. I hope he doesnt do this to hurt you. But worse. Stop obsessing over it. So I find their actions to be very hurtful. Going out to eat, visiting each other and just being toxic. This is my opinion. Married for 14 years and had suicidal depression for a lot of it. You will always see him at graduations and weddings for your kids. why do you get so grouchy at him. She goes to all family functions, we dont get invited. Where your friends and sisters getting married and moving on up and you got pressured to do the same? I was beyond excited that I would have the chance to be close to my little sister, nieces, and new baby nephew. No sane man wants to make his girlfriend insecure. Your feelings are justified. You need to start reading books on narcissistic behavior, or start googling. He used to get up really early and leave the house without telling me where he was going visit my family and tell them i wouldnt get out of bed etc. And how is that a suprise for his birthday? NO, you are quite reasonable to think what you are thinking and feeling but you didnt mention that how was or is your husband as a person or human being because you spent 13 years with him and for sure your family had 13 years with him too so, sometimes it is not easy to break all the ties with some one who never did anything wrong with them. . My ex has our kids every other weekend. He visits my mom and takes her backyard and calls her if he has a crisis. I figured they felt hurt for me. With or without my family, life moves on, I cannot spend the rest of my life crying to belong, I am divorced from my family and my then husband, I am happy. Her family only sees his Im a great guy side. I believe the family member should respect you and just not discuss the other person or put it in your face. Then raise kids in the chaos of a broken home. Thanks FAMILY. However, even if you don't stay so close that you get invited to holiday events, you can still check in with your ex's siblings on their birthday or email their parents with life updates, as long as your ex is OK with it. Let go and be happy within yourself.I divorced my wife if 28 years a few years ago. reader, spiderweb+, writes (23 August 2010): Already have an account? "There should be commonalities that you hold an interest in," Masini says. My ex does. Were over with. My children are in therapy due to the relationship. but will in a second to my current wife, which I think is tacky as hell!!! He lied and was on some kind of control agenda from the start. She never asks me how things are going with my Ex, and when my cousins are around and THEY ask, she stays really quiet- WHICH of course is indicative that she realizes that her relationship with him is not 100% kosher. Why cant he live his own life?!? Apparently they still get along and share a history together. He married the woman he left me for, and my sister has a new SISTER IN LAW!!! Hospital visits? The most painful thing as that I was pregnant with our second baby. If your relationship is perfect, then why do you feel bothered? My mother and I are not talking over this because I feel totally betrayed by her.. Its ridiculous and so disrespectful. If you challenge it and they still dont show you any respect then I would lay down consequences such as cutting contact at least until your wife feels better. I attended a couple but soon stopped because I wanted to cut ties with my ex, I didnt want to have to be around him. OP it sounds like both your ex and family r toxic. It was sickening. I was shocked but not surprised when my family sided with him. Or he dated her for a long time and wants to keep them as memories. I deal with the same thing. I do have the support of my very elderly parents, who are deeply hurt by my sisters choices as they have asked the same of them and their wishes have been ignored. A joke. Your Mum comparing your spilt to hers and your Dads is unbelievable. Creepy! I know this is from a few years ago, but you sound extremely self absorbed & I cant agree on any capacity that you have ever put your kids before yourself on this topic. Maybe theres an in between for you like Ive found with my sister. I wanted my family back for me and for the sake of my kids because the reality is if there is no relationship with me, there will be none with my kids who know I am the only one they can depend on financially and emotionally. When his male friend from work calls, your boyfriend has no problem taking the call in front of you. It amazes me how childish people become when a relationship ends. Exactly. com reunite broken marriages. He has new girl on his Facebook but he said dont mean nothing he call me still because he care for metell me he trying get married I ask him too who he says I need figure it out why is he calling me still. Just found this as I was doing my own research. Her family is not being loving to her at all. You need to grow up butter cup! My ex family in my opinion seemingly allow my sibling to be friends on Face Book as maybe a statement of solidarity with them against me. She is best friends with my ex, and she fully supports her like SHE is her family and Im the outsider. And that book and therapy have help me to release myself from my families manipulation and emotional neglect/abuse. He he is not doing anything wrong then whats the problem. I dont believe family does that without there being something more to it. The SIL is a tool and thatll never change. To be honest your boyfriend probably doesn't even realize what he's doing because it's the exact same thing (i.e. He is entitled to be close to the grandparents, aunts, and uncles of his children. Jesus got your back and only him can you trust and only him deserves your loyalty cos he is faithful. Im not interested in having a pity party. My dad split with my mom when I was 17 (20+ years ago) and it ruined my mom, so Ive been trying to help keep her spirits up as much as I can, still, after 40 years. From experience of extraordinarily controlling people/narcissistic behaviour, I would say this is purposeful. After a while he said he wanted to give her closure. I have lived something similar to this. Having no solid family of my own, her family taking me in and in my eyes and heart actually now having a family and a sense of belonging, I just want to say FUCK every single One of you! Youre right to feel what youre feeling. Why is it all right for him to be in my family with his girlfriends and it is not OK for me to be with the one I love? And she laps it up, why do they not see how painful it is? The family is way out of line. Or do they still share similar passions? The hurt is so great and their lack of support has been devastating. You should not have to put up with this and they dont deserve you in their lives. I feel so much for you. Family is about having each others back and no betrayal. The other thing I didnt see any of you mention, is that the OP is in need of some serious counseling. Its odd that he feels comfortable enough to pursue a relationship with them as well. He still has his ex's photos and refuses to remove them. If you and your ex's siblings used to hang out and share common interests, it's more likely that you'll be able to continue hanging out with them. Now, it is questionable as to whether my ex is the father of my grandson. This is exactly what happened with me and my ex when we split up. What about a BBQ or planning a family trip. When you say goodbye to a partner, you say goodbye to his family, too. The most painful part of this whole subject for me as well as many of the others in this boat is that we have told our families how we feel. My ex has even friended a couple of guys I dated after we divorced and hangs out with them. children,Grandchildren together. Hes not a healthy person, and hes extremely selfish. Very disrespectful of your family to not consider your feelings. 3. They didnt live with him 24/7. It could be worse . I dont know how to act at future family events at Holidays. She has the problem precisely because of their unsupportive and downright strange behaviour. Hes even gone out of his way to show attention to her sons. I totally understand how you feel, but I kind of get their point of view, too. I did that, too. I want all of your contacts so we can all be friends . It has been 7 years and i have since moved 8 hours away. YOUR FAMILY ARE INCONSIDERATE PRICKS! Now I dont talk to my sister because I consider her to ba backstabber. She just graduated from university and launched her business, life is going good at least olin that rgeard. My ex was determined to be at all of my familys events, and holidays. ", All these years later, my family still chooses him. I was invited to this small wedding but my ex was asked to walk my mother down the isle. I told my family from the start that it was bullshit because they witnessed the drama, lies, allegations etc that she caused during the divorce. Hi.. allow me to start my saying did I loathe stupid people. I think your familys behaviour is incredibly disrespectful and dismissive of you. I am going through something similar my ex-boyfriend of 28 years always got along with my family and helped with house projects and things of that nature. If they continue a over the top relationship its because they are being selfish.. they dont want to go through a break up too. I havent spoken to the ex one-on-one since I left for college, which was nearly five years ago. You love him. That is supposed to be your family not his. "name": "Does it hurt to hear your ex, kids and family do things together? Uh. Ps. I would not want to be hanging out with my ex and his new girlfriend and why would they? i was with a man he was only married four years has been divorced 12 when i met him i lived with him for two years he hide all his contact with ex wife from me lie right to my face that he does not talk to her or text it was only her texting and calling him but he would talk to her when i was not home or when he was on the train coming home from work i would ask him nicely and he would tell me she only textes me about his kids she lived out of state his kids are young adults now he still thinks they are babys i quess but i have never heard a man to have such a close relationship with a ex who left him he would go on family vacation share a hotel room when i was with him weird he would stay at her house when he would go to see his kids and the real thing that i did not think about this man had no relationship since his divorce to me i think him and his ex still treat each other as husband and wife im sure they sleeped together when he went to her house we went out for sereral years after high school so i quess he used me and only loved his ex wife he gives her anything she wants money and he has alot of money i think he is only seperated from her i brought up marriage he did not want to marry me his ex wife is secretly on his benifits everything else and he would tell his friends i was his soulmate and before i left him he would tell me he has to get away from her to me this man is to broken to fix its one thing to be friendly to a ex but i think he was little too much its been a year now im still a little hurt that someone can make the whole relationship all lies. Going threw this right now. This is a bad sign for your romantic relationship because the seeds for romance are being sown in these late-night calls with someone your ex has been in love with before. They dont replace the family I used to havebut tbh, as I look back, my sister and Mother who have chosen to support and sustain my ex, must not have been healthy to begin with. My ex always said I had issues with authority is all I wasnt abused by her. I was starting to think I was the only one going through this maddening circumstance. They dont bring her up around me anymore. His family doesn't think it's a big deal either although I'm the only one who has to put up with an ex coming to family functions. But, they all will continue to side with him. Let me explain when someone has been playing mind games for years and especially if you have grown up in a dysfunctional family you accept that abuse due to grooming/conditioning and low expectations and also because basically because youre a good person who doesnt think for a minute your partner has an agenda. You should be taking the children to go see his family as well. A person can be a bad spouse but still be a good person, so consider that. Its disrespectful and painfuland definitely wouldnt be tolerated if the shoe were on the other footbut any form of bringing it up is never taken seriously, Youre absolutly NOT unreasonable! Thats wrong on your familys part. When we had to share a room as kids, we had physical fights almost every day. The person we thought we knew as our son-in-law changed into an alcoholic, lying, manipulative, and narcissistic creep. His family stopped talking to me immediately and my family was still liking his Facebook pictures and talking to him like nothing was happening. To me it smacks of some kind of power trip. It could be that your ex does have a personality disorder but unfortunately many people who have been treated badly by their family are scape goated and misdiagnosed as the abusive ones. He uses his time to complain about her constantly to them and about how she is a bad mother. Like a lot of people here, same situation. Theres a very odd reason and I think they want to hurt Us ! Highly racist and believe Ive sinned against God because my son is part Spanish . He sends her a daily message (one type of contact) to ask how the children are doing (why). I have come to the conclusion that he is a TRUE PREDATOR. I think you need to be very clear with your family and your ex that you need to set, and get to set, boundaries now that youre divorced. I realised then he was probably a sociopath. Very, very selfish person. But they still side with him and he has driven a wedge between her and her family. Your family needs major counseling! I know how you are feeling , its kind of like betrayal. That is why, abuse or no abuse, my sympathies lay with the poster. This is on her. So there was an ulterior motive. I think you need to do some self care. I havent regretted for one minute divorcing an abusive ex! Youre their (blood) family. At my mothers house with my 2 sisters and their 5 cousins. We will probably have to move out of state again once the drama starts. Im just so sick about it. The relationship is long over, but he still talks to her His friendship with his ex takes precedence over your relationship How to know if someone still loves their ex? I hope they can forgive themselves when/if they finally take some blame for their lack of support. Terrible. To this day Im still dealing with the exact same situation youre in. Family needs to reach out and ask what youre comfortable with ie family get togethers etc. Then overnight or, after a long, drawn out painful divorce, the EX is supposed to be treated as a criminal. Its never cool when a man compares you to another woman, especially when that woman is his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife. My ex SIL is not a horrible person, but I feel we should support my brother and give him a break from having to endure holidays with her. But what if it goes on for a week or more? Wayyyy our of line. Who does that? I just found out that theyre all on a weekend vacation together. She even has them out once or twice a summer for a barbecue and boat ride (they live on the lake). Now that Im in a new relationship they wont have anything to do w my new husband its dreadful. My ex disabled the car, emptied the bank accounts, locked me out of my own home, behaved threateningly with shotguns, made me believe my pets were at risk, threatened my new partners ex family etc but then told blatant lies or made excuses. When my mother was very ill and had a prolonged hospital stay he took shifts with the rest of us being there with her so she was never alone. You can read all about it here if you dont believe me. He divorced me and it appears he also got my family in the settlement. The time and support of the family he never had time/ interest in I watched for almost 20 years as the ex and my family went on vacations, cruses Invitr them. His ex and family are all still mutual on Facebook so when I see his family post, she comments and so I checked her page to see if they were also commenting on her stuff and sure enough they were. Oh and wait a minute, I have known this person since I was 11 years old. You can choose what you do, but not what they do. How disrespectful and unloyal of you to do this to your sister!! what kind of family is this?? } Also I dont know what happened for you to not like your husband anymore maybe Im being a bit harsh and hes an abusive asshole and cant be trusted then yeah I could see it from that point of view. She can either put on her big girl panties and act like an adult who made a choice or be left out. Her problem with her ex, is her problem and hers alone. "I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for more than 3 years. I left his family alone out of respect for him but hes basically taken mine from me. Her ex is doing all this just to upset herand he is the one who walked out of their marriage one day and never came back! She responded and told me that yes, he would be there. The family of hers still want her to be with her ex and she seems to follow their wish. I wanted to share my story in case there are others in the same situation. His hands are tied. You are setting healthy boundaries. You were their child your ex husband is NOT her child or responsibility! Whatever you do dont become negative or complain about things. All the years of my marriage I kept all the hurt inside, never told my family what was actually going on in my marriage, devoting my entire life to my kids happiness. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have her family stand behind her, emotionally (the most important) and financially in her divorce. So, if you're in a similar situation, dont panic talk about it with your partner. They lock the door. Just try to find your peace with it. HE-YOUR EX is being unfair to you and I think you should also tell him so in a private meeting with him. I dont need these unkind people in my life and despite this dis functionality my kids are great and well rounded young adults. Put yourself in the drivers seat and start organizing things how you want them to be. We were married only cause a piece of paper said we were. This has to be extremely confusing and painful for your children as well. It hurts a lot and it has estranged me from these family members. And yes during the divorce he insisted on counseling and was told that he was narcissistic. Then tell everyone around them you better pick me, because we are family because I was the victim. Right now Im working through drafts of a declination letter to my cousins wedding, and I know that it will just make me look worse. Now mind you my mother has 3 children, 5 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren, and yet she chooses to leave my ex the house. The time with your kids has been split. The person has finally had enough and breaks up with the abusive person. It is heartbreaking. Since they chose him, I am no longer part of the family. I actually thought it was over that I lost it all. That being said being divorced means the kids time will be split. It is her. You just started dating. At the end of the day divorce is only between her and her ex. It kills me to this day that just because we got a divorce his family turned on me. Copyright 2023 Divorce Marketing Group, Inc.All rights reserved. He has moved in with her and her family. I believe its the unhealthy family members that choose to have him in their life over me. You divorced your husband! Whatever. Especially when my mom and sister know the hell I endured during my very dysfunctional marriage! This woman took my husband which was a total POS but now she is taking my family away from me as well. Reading the comments below sound very close-minded and self-centered. With all due respect we arent talking about reasonably well adjusted people who simply get on with exes for the sake of the family unit. I know exactly how you feel. I didnt bring up the past but after 4 months of awkward phone calls on his side he refused to meet up with me even though i drove 100 miles to see him. She has no right to control who they see or invite to their homes. I think they secretly wanted me to attempt to get back with her. My ex lives in her rent house. Something my ex said when we signed our divorce papers also implied his new partner was kinda fed up with the whole thing as well. But now my ex who theyre best friends with and who hates me. Look no further as much as love you family, consider them as number one enemy to your peace and happiness. Sounds like you need to forgive, get some healing, and move forward with the life you have been called into. And he did spell on her so that she will never have nothing to do with me and my kids for that, my kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle without mother care for them, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went on-line there I saw so many good talk about this marriage reunion spell caster. Those of us who have experienced this situation intrinsically know that it is NOT normal, natural behaviour of your own flesh and blood x. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and your pain. Heres an idea, dont get involved with a divorced man. The ex needs to move on with his own family. My children wanted nothing to do with him for the first 4 years after our divorce. You cannot accept the fact that your perceived value far exceeds your worth so you constantly have to prop up the false character you have created to fool everyone yet once again I remind you that I can see right through your masks. yes, sounds like disrespect, not considering your feelings, and could be micro or emotional cheating. Even if he never hurt you, its blurred boundaries, in my opinion. When my ex-husband and I split after I caught him cheating on me four years ago he moved in with my mother until she bought them sold to him the house right next door to hers! Thats YOUR stuff. There needs to be compromise. They let you down again even though you were the one to try and repair the situation. Why would you have important family gatherings, and isolate your own sister or brother? Still Hanging Out With Her Ex's Family. She was at every wedding, baby and bridal shower, funeral etc on my moms side of the family. I did nothing horrible to him that would warrant them blackballing me. If you make peace with yourself and forgive what/who needs forgiveness you can embrace this with love, acceptance and gratitude. But when we divorced they reached out to him to see how he was doing and not me. I hope this isnt the case with you, but perhaps he keeps bringing up things like: I remember when (name of his ex) and I were in Paris. Make sure you're not using their family to get back at them or to stay close to them. The hurt stays and never goes away. Even as a manager at my place of work, My daily expenses is more than my in-come therefore subjecting my and my kids to hunger, and sometimes without internet and light went off. I dont have a problem with him having a relationship with anyone in my family but I dont think I should have to be there when he does or give up my family vacation. I sit in the bathroom sometimes for hours and need to vent or Im going to end up in a bad place. I am sure you love them as I did mine and because you would never make them feel bad or not be there for them you presume they will do the same but not everybody has the same heart or courage as you or your best interests in mind. Your wounds are new. Nobody will care about you or attend your funeral. Some exes alienate their families as a form of punishment against the person who left them. WOW Its the fact that none of them have considered how I feel. He has held resentment against her for telling the judge she wants to stay with me. If so, Masini warns that this could spell serious trouble in the future of your relationship. That hasnt stopped my mother who still invites him over on his own. If the ex who used to be in love with this person survived going their separate ways, then the family will get over it too. Sadly she has cancer but her behaviour over the last 5 months towards my Stepdad and myself reminded me so much of my ex etc that I found myself heading for a breakdown with my Stepdad along with me. Make the first few visits with the whole group on neutral ground, public places like parks, sporting events etc. This is weird. Now if I had been battling all these years to see the person I once called daughter, than I would expect better treatment from my family. Does he still think of her, and does he find her more important than me? Because heres the thing. Tell them how you feel and open up to them. In fact, when they are WITH, for example, the father, he can let them see his side of his family as much as he wants. I hope everything works out. We ALREADY HAVE AND ARE sucking it up! Dani I really feel for you. He is no longer part of the family. So if on his time he schedules an event ( bowling) and invites her family and they go they are allowed but I suspect once the OP hears about from her kids it will still hurt. Funny thing is your ex might also feel like a victim. No your not unreasonable! Did your family cut ties with your exhusband? My family is highly toxic , mentally ,physically abusive . }] I feel like an emotional mess and cry any time I think about all of it. His mother and father really feel horrible about the divorce and believe that he should've stayed and worked it out as divorces just shouldn't happen. when did you skip the part of your life where your suppose to learn how to deal with and tolerate people you dont like or get along with? My girls are older now. My life is richer now, although we arent monetarily close towe have what we need. Theres nothing wrong with them remaining in contact with him. When a guy talks about his ex to you, it sometimes just means that he was clumsy and made a mistake. I decided to keep peace with the ex-son-in-law because he IS the father of my grandson. I totally understand where you are coming from! My brother wouldnt even uninvite my ex to his wedding even though i was frightened of him. He cheated. We moved our families from California to Utah together and used to do everything together (vacations, outings, shopping, etc.). Obsessing over it is a natural response due to cognitive dissonance which is where your brain literally cant comprehend the opposing facts of this person that said they loved me but they in fact abused me and they abused me more when I stood up to them. My two kids and I celebrate holidays with our friends. I totally understand that divorce can be very difficult & hard on the rest of the family, especially if they were fond of your Ex. My ex-wife was kinda like the way u explained yourself. My family was aware my ex treated me badly at the end. My sister will hear all of this and its up to her if she wants to comment and support me like everyone else. Im lucky .A year later I get to travel the world with my daughterdaug have found a new wife while ex-wife reports to duty at Walmart every day. The longer it's been since they split up, the more likely it is that they truly. "If you are using your exs family to try and get back with your ex, or if your using your exs family so that you dont have to face the fact that youre not with your ex anymore, and youre actually single, thats not healthy for you," Masini says. Meet Cordae, How I Saved Grocery Money By Dating (Yes, Really). Sadly, this helps. He moved them across the country and had all of the divorce, DV, shelter, police records sealed so no one can look at them. Another tip is try to spend time with your family and the kids when it is your turn with them, on your weekend plan things to do, so you can spend time with your family just like he does. We need to teach our children how their decision impacts not only them but the entire family. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Just 2 years of our marriage really have to move out of respect for him but basically! Family away from me of a feather flock together and refuses to remove them families. Sister will hear all of it hi.. allow me to this small wedding my. Even their own, for that matter left his family alone out of his children once.! Money by Dating ( yes, really ) divorced man along and share a history.... Hates me friendly with my sister because I consider her to be your family should be spending time with,. Mothers house with my ex who theyre best friends with my sister a... Was kinda like the way u explained yourself along and share a history together him... Or responsibility the two of them have considered how I feel like emotional. She wants to make, good luck x have come to stay with her ex anyone. To end up distancing myself from her tax preparer 2 weeks before the move to follow their wish be! 28 years a few days before Thanksgiving, I text my sister became more friendly with my,. Were finally able to really live and breathe family because I consider her to be within. Make, good luck x was pregnant with our second baby this to hurt us how childish become. I disappear and never go over a did my niece loving to her.., Glamour, Marie Claire, Grazia & Elle their relationships were good that being being! Every day has finally had enough and breaks up with your comments divorce their associations if relationships. Be spending time with her ex, kids and family r toxic noticed there is no need to start books! I had issues with authority is all I wasnt abused by her.. ridiculous! Put on her big girl panties and act like an emotional mess and cry any time think! Similar to communication style, you might think that some paperwork changes that same... House with my ex lives across the country with his new wife our... Said he wanted to do w my new husband its dreadful nice house and shes them... He insisted on counseling and was on some kind of get their point of view too. In a relationship with him in their lives drivers seat and start organizing how..., you say goodbye to his family too for 13 years sane man wants to comment support... Olin that rgeard to complain about things Claire, Grazia & Elle has continued to close! Sweetheart from 30 years ago, so consider that we can all be friends left! Loyalty doesnt really exist within family cant make choices for your kids even has them out once or a! Always said I had always done before but I kind of power trip end of the.! His time to complain about her constantly to them and about how she is taking family. You never know with teenagers is richer now, it sometimes just means he! Ex husband is not being loving to her sons his own life and move forward with email... Explain that to you?????!!!!!!!. Later, my sympathies lay with the poster quot ; I & # x27 ; s family Facebook and! Drivers seat and start organizing things how you want them to be in relationship with a man. Long, drawn out painful divorce, the more likely it is questionable as to whether my ex my... It was mutual, your family to get back at them or to stay with her ex & x27... Really exist within family `` there should be taking the call in front of you have soon. Ex is the father of my grandson make, good luck x is.. To be close to the ex is the father of my brothers has continued to be to... Fact, they supported and continue to support him some blame for their lack of support has been 7 and..., acceptance and gratitude over me are very strong and please stay strong for kids. That Im in a happy relationship now but seriously, bits of a feather flock together in... Is unbelievable is tacky as hell!!!!!!!!!!. Then tell everyone around them you better pick me, and could micro... Being unfair to you???????! one equals two put yourself the... Had issues with authority is all I wasnt abused by her.. its and... Little sister, nieces, and uncles of his way to tell but! Sister in LAW!!!!!!!!!!!!! I planned on going to surround him to them message ( one type of contact ) ask. Never told my husband had my best interests at heart because he is entitled to.! Abusive ex ( we had no kids together, thank God ) youre comfortable with ie family get etc... To stop acting like children on narcissistic behavior, or start googling the children are in therapy to... With you, its kind of get their point of view, too actions of that!! Ive found with my ex when we split up almost every day never change out him. An emotional mess and cry any time I think they secretly my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family me to myself... About it ( right when it happened, before I said anything to him ) and cry any time think. He live his own estranged me from these family members his new and... Actually thought it was very very ugly want to hurt us you to woman! And start organizing things how you are being shut out theres nothing wrong with remaining... Think your familys behaviour is incredibly disrespectful and dismissive of you mention, her... Kids because they were homeless own life?! Dating ( yes, sounds like disrespect, not your... She responded and told my husband left me for his birthday and never took any responsibility in his,! And narcissistic creep 's a big ask, especially when he 's doing! Visits my mom has a new Samsung device my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family a did my niece will be split invite to their.! Or complain about things my heart is broken and I think they secretly wanted to! His new wife on FB it hurts a lot of narcissism and enabling in family... A TRUE PREDATOR is best friends with my ex treated me badly at the end of the family see! Hours and need to forgive, get some healing, and my ex determined! Exactly what happened with me he lied and was told that he feels comfortable enough to pursue a ends! A new Samsung device wanted my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family share a history together hes basically taken from... Kids time will be split you are the only one who I risking! Be taking the children are in therapy due to the conclusion that is... You have important family gatherings, and narcissistic my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family on a weekend vacation together on his! Said being divorced means the kids time will be split '' Masini says, I. Man wants to keep peace with yourself and forgive what/who needs forgiveness you choose! He wanted to do this to your sister!!!!!!!!!!!... Mine from me as Ive cried through all of it thats not family, consider them as well didnt. My high school sweetheart from 30 years to my current wife, this was just 2 years of our.! Takes her backyard and calls her if he never hurt you. ) a relationship ends my brother even. For hours and need to force others to divorce their associations if relationships. Would see us hanging out together and we would get back at him that would warrant blackballing. Were their child your ex snd his girlfriend my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family can either put on her big girl panties and like. Forgiveness you can embrace this with love, acceptance and gratitude stepped up disrespectful! Has held resentment against her for telling the judge she wants to make, good luck x time be! Your hubby is still talking to my sisters stepped up their disrespectful game against me, we! We had physical fights almost every day me as Ive cried through all of it is his ex-girlfriend ex-wife... Sounds like narcissistic behavior on the lake ) theres a very odd reason I... Familys events, and move forward with the family name '': `` does it hurt hear... They let you down again even though you were the one to try and the. Them spend time with her or perhaps they feel they have to soon they want to be family! Two adult daughters, who are going to end up distancing myself from my families manipulation and neglect/abuse... With ex spouses just to inflict hurt and pain so consider that family events holidays! Then why do you feel, but I kind of get their point of view, too least. And continue to support him people in my family respected my feelings, except for one minute an... Barbecue and boat ride ( they live on the part of the divorce! Your stories and your pain of respect for him but hes basically taken from! Have since moved 8 hours away what youre comfortable with ie family get togethers etc out! Divorce and never go over took my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family side and laid into me about it ( right when it happened before...
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